alllll these sappy motherfucking things I wrote.

and allllll these sappy mother fucking things I wrote
telling you how I loved this
and liked when your this did that
and how the fucking sun was brighter or some shit
and how the moon shined or shone different.
or the same
or some shit

and alll these sappy mother fucking things I wrote

about how you were this
or how you  were that
about how sweet…
i forgot to add shitty too

and all these sappy mother fucking things I wrote
about how proud I was.
because you made an effort …
there was no effort
or how proud i was
because you planned this
but really…you were off doing that

and all these sappy mother fucking things I wrote
because i meant them
but i want it all back
because it was a long one way street i was on
and you hitched a ride
and made me take every fork that was yours
while my fork would have been faster, cheaper, less painful, and happier

and all these sappy mother fucking things I wrote
worried for you
crying for you
imagining the pain you were going through
allll this
I CANNOT EVEN PUT INTO WORDS.
alllll of this fucking EVERYTHING from me
the blood from my heart
the hairs in my nose
the wrinkles on my toes
my stupid fucking mind
my stupid fucking mind
my stupid fucking heart
my stupid fucking heart

and now
my stupid fucking blood
my stupid fucking blood
my worth
at your hands
my soul for you to dissolve in water

and my blood
for you to wreck
taint
sabotage

and as strange as it might be
my anger is not about that

my anger is for the mockery you made of my life
the 10000000 little things you’ve done to fuck things up
bit
by
bit
by
bit

and my anger is in that lie
where you still tell me you love me
where you still reach out
where you still have to lie
to keep up the other lies

and mostly my anger is in myself
because i fell for it

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